Guelphissauga #10: Expanding the Solstice Swamps

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga continues with an update to a proposal from an ancient time long before the Tower of Sauron. Dating back to July 2017, the Carousel Condo PD Orcs entered the Shire to propose their NIMBY Tower for expanding the Solstice Swamps on Guelphissauga Road. After 3 years of review, the proposal is at the final stages of approval from the Fellowship. Will the Fellowship approve an expansion of the concrete jungles in the Solstice Swamps?

The proposal review process has been lengthy and treacherous due to the on going dangerous events on Guelphissauga Road. The Rules of the Ward are now thoroughly scrutinized from recent experiences with the other NIMBY Towers in the Solstice Swamps. The seasonal rain and snowstorms have created a dangerous crossing at Arkell & Guelphissauga Road from roof shingles flying off the Solstice Swamp Towers, causing local drivers to dodge debris on Guelphissauga Road. Luckily a government subsidy has prevented any traffic collisions so far as the hit TV show “Canada's Worst Driver” has earned its return on tax dollars by teaching the Shire's population defensive driving skills.

The Fellowship is set to vote on the final proposal for the Carousel Condo Tower on August 10^th. They are watching over the proposal's details as the Carousel Orcs have done the bare minimum to enter the Shire with an exact 6-storey height. This cost-cutting mentality is commonplace in the Solstice Swamps which has enraged local traffic and building quality issues. The proposal is for 32 units with 2 bedrooms each crammed onto 0.6 acres of land, accompanied by 46 parking spaces. The compact condo conditions will only have 70% of the inhabitants with their own parking spot. Located across the street from a Solstice Swamp Tower, traffic congestion and expanding concrete jungles may be coming to Guelphissauga Road.

What do you think?

Is the Solstice Standard for the Carousel Condos good enough?

If the Solstice Swamps are expanding, why build the Double Trouble Towers?

Have you seen any flying debris on Guelphissauga Road?

Guelphissauga #9: Townhouses Replacing Speedvale Church

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga continues after heavy rains ravaged the old growth trees in Exhibition Park. Open blue skies and meaningful double rainbows now fill the Shire as the Fellowship cleans up the broken branches following their revision of the Rules of the Ward during the storm. The rainstorm also gave the Property Developer Orcs enough time to regroup from the defeat of the Tower of Sauron and collect a small army. They are now back at the Shire's gates with a proposal for building a townhouse complex in the northern Shire to expand on their small network of NIMBY Camps. Will their more reasonable proposal get approved?

This time around the Fellowship faces off with a familiar army called the Masked Marann Orcs. Having been through the Shire's gates before, these PD Orcs mask themselves in their legal numerical name called 2601265 Ontario Inc. The Masked Orcs have built similar Townhouse NIMBY Camps in the Shire before, such as a 3-storey building on Guelphissauga Road near Clairfield. This experience gave them the foresight to obey the 6-Storey Rule of the Ward, allowing them easy access through the Shire's gates in order to table their 3-storey building proposal.

The proposed site for the new Townhouse NIMBY Camp is at 520 Speedvale, which is the current location of St. David & St. Patrick Anglican church. The Anglicans have left the land vacant since 2015 with rumors of a termite infestation stopping their return. The Masked Orcs are proposing to build four blocks of 64 back-to-back stacked townhouses on the two-acre site. With an additional 84 parking spaces also planned, 68 of the lot's current 96 trees would be removed. The Masked Orcs are also seeking to change the site's density limit to pack all the townhouses into the NIMBY campsite.
The current Ward Rules allows for 35 units per hectare, whereas the Masked Orcs are seeking 80 units per hectare which is more than double the density of the surrounding residential lots.

What do you think?

Will you miss St Patrick's church and 68 trees?

Is a Townhouse NIMBY Camp more reasonable than the Double Trouble Towers?

How will James Gordon & Rodrigo Goller treat a decision with a long term direct impact on Ward 2?

Have you seen any termites in town?

Guelphissauga #8: Revising the Rules of the Ward

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga continues after the final defeat of the Tower of Sauron. A sunshine fuelled warmth now covers the Shire as the Property Developer Orcs are currently pushed back from the gates while they regroup their forces. This break allows for the Fellowship to update its Official Plan and zoning bylaws to bring its Rules of the Ward policies into better alignment with the updated Provincial Planning Act. How will the external whispers of Provincial Policies influence the future Rules of the Ward?

The proposed changes would make it easier for property owners to build an additional accessory dwelling that could be as tall as 2 storeys and less than a meter away from a neighbour’s property line. It could bring local competition to the housing market and spread out residential density across the Shire, instead of solely down Guelphissauga Road. The final decision will come later this year following further community consultation and possible tweaking of recommendations.

The Fellowship initially saw numerous red flags in the proposed policy changes such as building height, setback from property line, loss of privacy and tree canopy, and parking issues. Councillor Leanne Piper Caron said that accessory dwellings intended for use by adult children or parents aren’t a problem, it’s when they become a new way for landlords to build more student housing that it can become one, particularly by absentee landlords. She added, “If this is exploited, it could be a nightmare.” She preferred a one-storey limit which James Gordon, Bob Bell, and several other councillors agreed with. John Lawson of the Old University Neighbourhood Residents Association reiterated the possibility of exploitation as “some students and some landlords are a problem.” At the same time, the University of Guelph has announced it is capping the number of students living in residence this September at 1,000, down from the usual 5,000. "Only students with special housing accommodation circumstances will be eligible to live on campus fall semester," it stated in a news release.

So how bad could the housing exploitation really get? Well we can look at other places where it's already happening such as in the UK. Luckily the TV show “Nightmare Tenants Slum Landlords” provides a real life glimpse into housing exploitation as it follows rental disputes and Houses in Multiple Occupation (HMOs). It features feisty-pitbull lawyer Paul Shamplina and other enforcers as they tackle unruly landlords or tenants, bringing legal resolutions to their disputes. It occurs in places such as the Shire of Harrow County, where the elderly and immigrants are getting exploited instead of students. Police powered evictions and early morning raids of HMOs are common occurrences on the show.

What do you think?
Should accessory dwellings be allowed?
If so, should dwellings be capped at 1 or 2 storeys?
How far away should dwellings be from the property line?
Are there enough housing disputes in Guelph to sustain a reality TV show?

Guelphissauga #7: The Double Trouble Towers

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga continues after skirmishes in the Arkell wetlands. This time around the Fellowship faces off with a double-team attack from two similar breeds of Property Developer Orcs. The Blue-Blooded Skyline Orcs have mustered their few surviving troops for a last hail-Mary attempt at the gates of the Downtown Shire. But they are not alone as another group of PD Orcs are simultaneously rallying for the Double Trouble Towers at Gordon & Edinburgh. Can the Fellowship defend against both groups of Orcs?

Defeated from the battle of the Tower of Sauron, the Blue-Blooded Skyline Orc Army collected their remaining troops for a last attack at the gates of the Shire. They stubbornly stuck to their original battle plans without any changes for respecting the Rules of the Ward. Longtime Councillor Cathy Downer was surprised by the lack of adjustment to the proposal as she had “rarely ever seen an application like this come back with no changes.” Delegate Susan Ratcliffe called it “a very strange building that violates so many values that we hold dear in Guelph.” The Fellowship quickly and unanimously rejected the unchanged proposal, putting a finishing blow into the Tower of Sauron. The Skyline Orcs were angered by the repeated rejection and pondered retaliation. Chamber of Commerce CEO Shakiba Shayani hinted that Skyline might move its head office from the community if the proposal doesn’t move forward.

Meanwhile in the middle of Guelphissauga, another group of Property Developer Orcs have arrived at the Shire's gates. They appear to be a hybrid between the Solstice and Blue-Blooded PD Orcs with their intentions. Having marched all the way from London Ontario, the Purple-Blooded Tricar Orcs are proposing the Double Trouble Towers with a total of 377 apartment units on the east side of Gordon Street and Edinburgh Road. Similar to Skyline, the Tricar Orcs are wanting to break the Rules of the Ward. The current zoning allows for a 10 storeys maximum and a density of 150 units per hectare, but Tricar is proposing 12 storeys and a density of 271 units per hectare. There would also be a harsh environmental impact as 606 of the 707 trees currently on the property would be removed. The intersection of Gordon and Edinburgh is one of the busiest in town so parking will be a concern. Tricar is proposing 586 parking spots with 523 of them in underground parking. 57 visitor parking spaces will be available above ground but Tricar was unclear if they will charge visitor parking fees as down the road at Solstice.

What do you think?
Is Guelphissauga growing too fast?

Is Skyline wasting City Council's time with a repeat proposal?

Does Tricar's proposal perpetuate the issues seen at Solstice 1 & 2?
Should Property Developers be allowed to re-propose a previously denied development without any changes?

Guelphissauga #6: Arkell Road Proposal

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga has resumed after dealing with a lengthy viral infection. This time around a new type of Property Developer Orc has arrived at the gates of the Shire called the Black Shoemakers. They appear to be a nicer breed compared to the Blue Blooded Orcs from earlier battles, but their full intentions are still unknown. The Black Shoemaker Orcs are proposing to build a residential subdivision containing 31 single detached dwellings and 60 cluster townhouse units at 220 Arkell Road near the southeast corner of Guelphissauga.

The Shoemaker Orcs were welcomed to enter the Shire's gates by respecting the Rule of the Ward. They agreed to the rule by limiting their building heights to a maximum of six storeys and having a maximum net density of 60 units per hectare. When they sat down with the Fellowship at the Council table, the details of their plan were scrutinized in terms of preserving natural wetlands, local traffic congestion, and financial affordability.

The first skirmish occurred between the Shoemaker Orcs and the Fellowship Delegates around preserving the natural wetlands connected to the conservation area near Arkell Road. The Shoemaker Orcs were well prepared for this battle by equipping themselves with green chain-mail armour consisting of 55% natural untouched land with buffer zones around their sensitive lands. Delegates Claudia Espindola and Mary Staples attempted to poke holes in the green-plated armour. Delegate Claudia objected to the amount of south-end development and the disruption to surrounding wildlife with the support of over 200 petition signatures. Delegate Mary raised concerns over the ecological impact and protection from cutting through the area when the new high school is built at Victoria and Arkell.

The second skirmish began when the Shoemaker Orcs used a smokescreen to gloss over the development's affordability and traffic impacts. Having the development near a new high school connects it to a new flow of pedestrian, bus, bike, and car traffic at the intersection of Victoria and Arkell. Councillor Leanne Caron Piper saw through the smokescreen with her upgraded eagle-eye skills fuelled by the positive karma of Drive-by Birthday Parties. She suggested the need for a secondary road access from Arkell Road, especially for emergencies. But the Shoemakers Orcs were successful at keeping their smokescreen on the financial affordability of the houses. They used unclear language in the proposal saying the housing is for “different incomes and stages in life” and told the Fellowship that the price of the units is unknown at this point.

What do you think?
Is Guelphissauga growing too fast?
Is there enough protection for natural wildlife?
Will these homes be affordable?
Will Victoria & Arkell surpass Stone & Gordon as the busiest intersection?

Guelphissauga #5: Silvercreek Parkway Proposal

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga continues after the destruction of the 25 Storey Tower of Sauron. Following an epic battle between the Fellowship and the Property Developer Orcs, the Tower of Sauron proposal was rejected, the secondary sneak attack on Whitelaw Forest was thwarted, and the PD Orc army was split in two. The PD Orc's southern armada returned to their Toronto-based camps, defeated and grumbling for revenge. In the heat of the battle, one PD Orc tribe got separated from the pure blue-blooded Orcs and fled northward. They settled in the Ward, where they hid divided from the others. Cut-off from any army supply lines, mingling with the locals was the isolated Orc tribe's only hope for survival.

Defeated from the battle of Sauron and the rejection in Whitelaw forest, the pure blue-blooded PD Orcs returned to their corporate dungeons to plan another strategy. Ignoring the Rule of the Ward, they stubbornly stuck to their original 9-storey building blueprints. They also provided little direction on plans for energy efficiency and preserving natural forestry. With Councillors Mark MacKinnon & Dan Gibson now leading the way, the pure-bred Orcs are taking their third, and hopefully last, shot at Whitelaw Forest.

Meanwhile, the isolated remains of the PD Orc army was divided and starving in the Ward. They managed to survive the winter by mingling with local hipsters & hippies and learning their ways. Particularly, they learned the importance of following the Rule of the Ward. By keeping that rule in mind, they could always look forward to better days. The isolated Orc tribe also spent time with local Nimby Dogs, where they observed the importance of preserving old forests and using renewable energy sources. Enlightened by the local experience and knowledge, the isolated Orcs evolved away from their pure blue-blooded brothers and became the new Green-Blooded Ward Orcs.

Now both PD Orc armies have returned with the Blue-Bloods in the south and the Green-Bloods in the north. The Blue-Blooded PD Orcs are repeating old tactics by hammering at the door of Whitelaw Forest with Mark MacKinnon & Dan Gibson in the lead. As a desperate last attack, they have little chance for success by breaking the Rule of the Ward, not committing to energy efficiency, and eliminating old forestry. But on the north side of town, the newly enlightened Green-Blooded Ward Orcs are taking a more reasonable approach with their proposal. They have a better chance of success by following the Rule of the Ward, committing to energy efficiency with solar panels, and preserving parts of the old growth forest.

What do you think?
Should City Council refuse the third attempt to build in Whitelaw Forest?
Will Mark MacKinnon and Dan Gibson respect the Rule of the Ward?
Will Leanne Caron Piper, Rodrigo Goller, & James Gordon accept the Green Silvercreek proposal?

Guelphissauga #4: Marcolongo Farmland

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga continues with a side quest to the Marcolongo farms near Gordon & Malty. This time around the Fellowship faces off with Options for Homes, a sly Toronto-based Property Development company over a proposed 24-acre park and residential zoning of the 35 acres of the old Marcolongo farmland. Twelve delegates are registered to speak at Council's meeting.
Options For Homes has an agreement in place with the Marcolongo family to purchase the farmland where they plan build 700 to 800 residential units, likely being condominiums. Meanwhile, the City of Guelph is proposing to build a 24-acre park in the Clair-Maltby area that could reduce the number of residential units. Marcolongo is working on an alternate plan that would move the park to another location on the same property where less residential units are impacted.

The battle between affordable housing and open park space is only the surface of the issues at hand. Under the surface, the true intentions of Options for Homes are revealed. In an interview with GuelphToday, Daniel Ger, Chief Development Officer for Options For Homes, describes the company as a “mission-driven social enterprise” making home ownership more “affordable”. This seems like great news on the surface as Guelph is suffering from ever-inflating housing costs. But dig a bit deeper and the true identity of Options for Homes is revealed, as Daniel Ger later admits to in the interview.

Options for Homes claims they offer affordable housing and social living through interest-free loans to cover the down payment on traditional mortgages. But in reality, they are doing little to offset expensive housing costs. Options for Homes's own CDO admits this by the end of the interview;“It’s not social housing. It’s not highly subsidized housing. It’s a different type of product to help them get into ownership.” On their own website, Options for Homes says how they plan to profit off the “affordability” element of their contracts. Instead of charging interest on loans, like a regular bank does, they plan to extract the equivalent percent of the house's value when the buyer sells it later on. They will pocket any future proportional equity gain on the house sale. With house prices in Guelph steadily increasing, Options for Homes will gain a big cash return in later years.

What do you think?
Should City Council approve a park or condominiums on the Marcolongo farmland?
Is Options For Homes actually a profit-based Property Developer hiding under Social Housing clothing?
Are Leanne Caron Piper and Cathy Downer
Will Mayor Guthrie allow the 12 delegates to speak at the meeting?
too distracted by Nimby Dogs to notice Options for Homes true intentions?

Guelphissauga #3: NIMBY Name Calling News

In mud-slinging NIMBY news, the Property Developers Orcs wrote an attack piece insulting Guelph City Council for respecting the 6-Storey Rule of the Ward and constrained residential growth. The article labels Councillors and concerned citizens as NIMBYs, after Mayor Guthrie's favourite dismissive acronym. Like a trained/paid parrot, the author recites numerous times that “Council and the NIMBYs need to admit” they were wrong for refusing the Skyline Tower of Sauron and the Whitelaw Forest Development. 

Throwing in the “classism” label, the author says “you all are in favour of development, but you just don’t want it where *you* live. Guess what? Neither does anyone else.” In fact, this consistent pattern shows Guelph's overwhelming resistance to residential over-development. If no one in town wants the Skyline Tower, then City Council shouldn't approve it. The people don't want it anywhere in town, not just away from their backyards. City Councillors such as Leanne Caron Piper, James Gordon, & Rodrigo Goller made the correct choice for Guelph by putting the voice of the people first.

What do you think?
How many times a day does Mayor Guthrie say NIMBY?
Can you make a drinking game from it?

Guelphissauga #2: Whitelaw Forest Saved

The Fellowship of Guelphissauga continues after Monday's standoff with the Property-Developer Orcs. In a meeting lasting longer than a Lord of the Rings movie, Guelph City Council discussed the proposal to build Skyline's monolithic tower. But downtown was not the only target for the residential zoning blight. Using a classic pincer move, the P-D Orcs simultaneously pointed their shovels at Whitelaw Forest.

Leanne Caron Piper rallied the Fellowship by stating the 25-storey building's “height is of significant concern”. Issues around the building's small 550 to 650 foot apartments and the 30-50% smaller building width were also raised by other Councillors. The main opposition was to the tower's height breaking the longstanding Rule of the Ward of keeping building heights below 6 storeys. Sadly the strength of the Fellowship's numbers weakened when it came to the support of Councillors Bell, Downer, and Mayor Guthrie. Even though they initially stated to be against 25-storeys, they hinted at flipping their vote for a lesser 12 to 20 storey building as they have with other repeated building proposals

The Skyline Orcs were prepared for the People's resistance. Calling in backup from the Guelph Business Association and Chamber of Commerce, the NIMBY Orcs praised the monolith's proposal by dismissing the Rule of the Ward as antiquated and out of date. They added on by saying a 6-storey building would be unprofitable. When James Gordon raised the dilemma about the friction between the people's will and corporate profit, the NIMBY Orcs hit back immediately and told him to “do his job”. Hopefully James Gordon makes the right choice and picks People over Profit.
Meanwhile at the other end of town, the P-D Orcs took a second shot at paving over Whitelaw Forest. This time the Fellowship gathered quickly to protect the sacred forest. As usual, P-D Orc allies Mayor Guthrie and Bob Bell voted in favour of the proposal. With the Fellowship gathering the support of Coucillors O'Rouke, Billings, & Hofland, Whitelaw Forest was protected from the residential zoning blight.

What do you think?
Can the Fellowship withstand a second wave attack from Skyline?
Will City Council respect the longstanding 6-storey Rule of the Ward?
Will Mayor Guthrie and Rodrigo Goller flip sides in the second round again?

Guelphissauga #1: The Tower of Sauron

In local monolithic news, a new sequel to The Fellowship of Guelphissauga is coming out Monday February 10th. This time around, the Guelph City Council is facing a proposal to build the Tower of Sauron to lore over Guelphissauga. Will the Fellowship of James Gordon, Leanne Caron Piper, & Rodrigo Goller be strong enough to stop this monolithic monstrosity?

It will be a perilous journey for the Fellowship as the Property-Developer Orcs are rallying their troops with their NIMBY counter-arguments. Funded by the new visitor parking fines at Solstice 1 & 2, the PD Army is ready for battle. The Fellowship may require extra help to defeat the NIMBY Orcs. Perhaps they can summon the Ent of Whitelaw Forest to rally the local hippies, hipsters, seniors, and nature itself to stop the Army of Property-Developer Orcs from building the Tower of Sauron as an idol to their residential zoning blight.
 
Live screening downtown Monday February 10th.